I started writing a post on something i wrote last may, called Ambition… It was just a note to a recently introduced friend about my admiration for her ambitious desires… But while i was writing, something funny happened:  I was thinking about all of my *interests* over the years, as ive had a LOT of conversations lately on what it is *were all looking for.*  In Ambition, i was talking about my excitement for people with passion, with drive… with their OWN dreams.  Its SO important to me in a relationship that you believe in one another, that you want to be a part of their dreams, and they want to live in yours too.  So on THAT note, i went to quote something i wrote once.  I remembered the line “Say we’ll fight for both our lives, the ones we lived before we met, And that we will also fight, for things we havent thought of yet…”.Then i went a little nuts… Because it was nowhere on my computer.

While i dont write often, i write whenever i have a chance and am inspired.  That means its been spread about, in location.  Home, on my old laptop, on my work computer (Three dropped passes was written at 7pm at my desk at work while i waited for a software patch to install, LOL).  Peeking (which i was searching for) never got saved at home, as i wrote it at 30,000 feet on my way to Florida for work.  Im happy i found it stashed on myspace.  That line holds SO true for me still.

I found out recently that the one woman i came close to marrying (or so i thought?) actually is married now, and a piece of me is very happy for her.  But, as she remains the ONE person who i felt was “fully invested” in my dreams, our dreams, AND her dreams… It was hard to hear.  But, i smile, and reread Peeking, which i wrote 3/24/08… And i hope that one day someone wants to dream WITH me again.

When desire runs amok and when a look is captivating,
(when the feelings that I’m feeling aren’t logic correlating)
Is the dream that I am craving  what’s in image that I’m seeking,
Or is there such entrapment, in the dream that to, I’m peeking?

Passions motivated, and the dreams always supported,
Devotion so unwavering, from love never deported,
To go together, to not waver, two, the future, as we face it,
To the good, and two towards bad, life together (we embrace it)

Laughing often, smiling always, and the tears we know we’ll shed,
Though we know through hard and sad, we’ll always stand by what was said.
Words that tell, and words that sold, and words when needed as were told,
“I love you,” “Always,” and “to have” and not forget “to also hold”

The times before, when words were whispered, as the passed has walked away,
Im waiting for the trust inviting, where I know that you will say-
In Together, In Forever, In for Dreams that for we try,
Along for Cycles, as we Break them, Precious Cargo rules apply.

Say we’ll fight for both our lives, the ones we lived before we met,
And that we will also fight,  for things we haven’t thought of yet.
But say that we will fight together, fighting with, but not against
And say that we are always allies, once that dream has then commenced

Promise me you’ll understand, the quirks, the rides, and all the fears,
(That you’ll know there won’t be answers or some reasons, for my tears)
That nightmares come and I can’t stop them, both in dreams and so in life
(That I don’t mean to wreak such havoc… I don’t mean to cause such strife)

And that we know the road is rocky, as were both of such conviction;
But though the highs and lows cascade, we know such love is that of fiction
Founded in our lives as we, make fairytales, in all we do;
For as we ride such krazy trains, and know our love will get us through.

With poems written, and lived out, and love transcending understanding,
Living in a dream as this is something that were both demanding.
Knowing people stare and wonder, on what faith do we rely?
To hold so dear, to hold another, to answer- as we both reply.

Its love, as love was just intended, love that lights our hearts ablaze.
And shouldn’t it, bewilder us, and set our eyes in to a craze?
And where is it, that I cant find, and wheres it gone where once it stood?
Well that id answer, if I knew, and once I know, (you know) I would.

Part of what makes writing so important to me, is the way you can say things so literally, that the majority of readers will pass without regard, as they only have meaning in certain contexts.  I remember writing this, on the flight (i hate flying…) and thinking it was ironic:  With my oversensed aural perception (along with my hyper emotional… whatever), certain things that have been spoken to me have stayed with me in their entirety.  The fourth verse speaks volumes, as it carries traces from 3 people who have now come in to- and left- my world.  I think thats why once i wrote that verse, i wrote those lines about Say We’ll Fight… I specifically remember finishing that fourth verse, and instantly feeling… Slighted.  But alas, here we stand.  As Jeff said to me today “smash the rear view, and look out the windshield.”  I suppose here is hoping the future looks just a little bit like the past… But not too much.