I dont normally blog when i dont have anything written to share… As im not much on blogging as i am about writing.  But, you ALSO know (if you know me at all) that im extremely sensitive aurally, and that music is the reigning force in my life. 

Recently though a chance encounter (not even an encounter, i just decided to get my condescension on in a debate about the struggle for equality in legal marraige) and i came across this fantastic recording by someone also participating in the discussion.  She’s a local Syracusian (currently, anyway) and participates at Open Mic Nights somewhere on Thursdays.  Im not in advertising, so if you like the tune go here:  Nikki’s Facebook.

Why does this song hit me so much?  For one, im obviously a sucker for a powerful voice.  Poppish as Kelly Clarkson might be, if i was in the room when she sang the way she does, id probably sign over the keys to my house.  Sometimes i hate how much my ears rule my life.  All of my memories are auditory, and that TOTALLY fucks with me when people come and go from my life… Because i can still HEAR everyone of you. :(  Its tough to explain.  Its not “hearing voices” its “hearing memories.”  But its a haunt nonetheless.  A lot of people have never understood why it becomes necessary for me to just walk away sometimes, and maybe if i could mute a memory i wouldnt have to.  But to hear someone voice resonate in person, and have it push every memory of that same sound in my mind, its just bad news sometimes, and i protect myself from it by walking away.  Sad, but its an honest truth.

But the lyrics get to me too, on this recording.  The song (Im told its written by Axl Rose and Izzy Stradlin) reminds me of the same questions i always ask about my day, and about who i am.  Ive known a lot about goodbyes, and ive known a lot about wondering what it is about me, and about other people, that has made things turn out the way they are.

As such, i suppose there is one i can share.  Its not one im overly fond of, not like some of the others.  Pushed to Shove and Ready to move have quickly become favorites to me, which is terrible because they were born in some of the worst circumstances in my life.  (On that note, Saturday is my trek to Indy to pick up the Resurrection.  Its fitting that it will be Black on Black.  And this one will be different.  The stereo will be grand, itll be Low, itll be Loud, and itll be Fast.  Having saved my life once, i now want to turn this car in to everything i can dream up in my mind.) 

 River Wild (back on topic) just came about when someone asked me a stupid question (sandy…): 

If you had to pick between a relationship that was entirely and comprehensively laced with passion and fire, but was also (consequently) tumultuous; or between something much less engaging and whirlwindish, but perhaps a but more stable… Which would you choice?  Idiot that i am, im sure you could guess which way i leaned.

And i had a conversation with my great friend Kelly recently arguing one more point on this front:  I just dont consider myself that Crazy.  I really dont, but i suppose perception is Reality Perceived, and it doesnt matter much what  think, now does it?  River Wild doesnt have the angsty rhythm i enjoy in a lot of mine, and im not sure why.  Too many questions to bother asking, lol…

Isnt life a pretty vision when we only Deal in Dreams,
When we sing and laugh and praise and learn it isnt what it seems?
Isnt living worth the giving when were blinded by the heat?
When deciding that were riding means there isnt a retreat?

We could waver in our minds, and we could always venture back,
As people of the different kinds, and what those people lack,
And maybe theyre the smartest as theyve never felt the lick,
Of the fire that hits hardest; though that fire makes you tick.

The question posed, supposedly: the river or the lake?
Where one is but a rollercoaster, one maybe- mistake.
And one is all serenity; but calm, never engaging.
A subtle price (but maybe nice) if youre notfor the raging

Suppose the scary, took the wary, never towards the ill;
And passion led in to the bed, intoxicating thrill.
If trust was more, the opened door, you knew the river well,
Keys unlocked, with love well stocked, you would be sure to tell

Such river that the giver could, give all, and not be hurt
Although such rivers push us hard, river’s always alert.
Of dealing with the feelings so we never swim without,
The safety net, we always bet, were safe, without a doubt

And maybe lakes are always calm, the water always sound as glass
And maybe at the stilling sight, were tempted then, to take a pass
The river wild, immature child, although it fires all our hearts,
Is just a threat, an unsafe bet, and so the lake’s appealing starts

For water calm, assuring psalm, the solidarity in soul,
Assures us grace, when in the face, of daring love to take its toll
But i say see, whats in to thee, and be ready to stand, deliver.
Life in passion, knows no ration, life worth living, wild river.